Local Revision: Tense Usage

Now that I have observed verb usage, the next step is to observe how I use tenses of verbs throughout my draft.

"Office". 1/22/14 via pixabay. CC0 Public Domain.

This is a table of the verbs and in what tenses I used them.

Most used tense

• The present tense

Effect Current usage has on draft

• I think this is a good verb tense distribution because the issue I am examining is supposed to be in the present and have been going on for a while, that is why the past and present tenses should be the most used. Since the issue has not been resolved yet, I do not have as much to say about the future. The verb tense distribution has a sort of urgent and appealing effect on the draft because the audience is given a sense of "wow, this is happening, right now" 

Do the shifts between tenses make sense and flow?

• Absolutely. I like to alternate between past and present most because a lot of what has happened with the controversy took place in the recent past, but there are still steps being taken today, right now, in the present. In order to meet the purpose of the assignment, it is imperative that I can incorporate both tenses into the storytelling. Also, in order to give closure, I have tot talk about what the future holds. 

Importance of present tense verb usage

• This is an important technique to utilize because it brings the reader right to the action and issues surrounding this controversy. No one cares about stuff that happened 500 years ago in their job field as much as something that is happening right now. 

 What do you think of this balance between the three tenses?

My Verbs

Verbs, verbs, verbs. Action, action, action. It's something we never really think about--our way of portraying action and how we say it?

I gathered all the verbs I used for my draft, and the results re surprising.

Niabot. "Magnifying glass". 5/20/11 via wikimedia. Attribution Share-Alike 3.0 Unported.

Verbs used:

found, see, analyze, handling, completed, earned, participate, dictate, participate, matched, work, trained, conduct, work, work, unionized, created, wish, ensure, gathered, ask, argue, asking, compensated, improve, addressed, explain, citing, entering, advocating, secure, shared, read, determined, released, highlights, continues, explain, paid, paid, acknowledged, willing, negotiate, published, encouraging, cooperate, support, stating, provide, listened, increased, proceeded, reaching, struggles, stressed, stress, shares, focuses, sinking, passed, prohibited, reduce, enact, finding, growing, anticipated, negotiate, form, value


Verbs used more than once:

Work (III)
Participate (II)
Ask (II)
Explain (II)
Paid (II)
Stress (II)
Share (II)
Negotiate (II)


So what:

• I tend to repeat a verb within two consecutive sentences! I never realized I did this. I can probably get rid of those second sentences to make my draft flow better.
• I don't repeat verbs as often as I thought, which is also surprising.

What do you think the significance of verb usage is?

Local Revision: Wordiness

To kick off my local revisions, I am going to condense the information presented in my wordiest paragraph.

"An open book" via Shutterstock.

Original Paragrpah:

Medical residents are doctors who have completed medical school and earned their medical degree. During the graduation months, they participate in “match days”, which dictate what residency program the doctors will participate in for three or more years. Once doctors are matched to a residency program, they work at their assigned hospital. During their time there, the doctors are trained by attending physicians on how to conduct procedures, tests, and how to generally work in a hospital effectively. Due to Libby Zion law, residents cannot work more than 80 hours a week, but this does not include on call hours or paperwork hours. The average annual salary for medical residents in the U.S. is $50,000-$70,000 depending on the residency and location.



Revised Paragraph:
Medical residents are doctors who have completed medical school. Before graduation, they participate in “match day”, which dictates what residency program the doctors will participate in for three or more years. During their time there, the residents are trained by attending physicians on how to conduct procedures, tests, and how to generally work in a hospital effectively. Due to Libby Zion law, residents cannot work more than 80 hours a week, but this does not include on call hours or paperwork hours. The average annual salary for medical residents in the U.S. is $50,000-$70,000 depending on the residency and location.


Reflection

• From the perspective of the audience, the revised paragraph is easier to read because it is slightly shorter, and does not have unnecessary phrases and clauses like the original. 
• I think it is slightly better wit the revision because it is more to the point. But it is slightly worse because I am realizing how much the words padded the information to make it seem like there was more than there actually was. I have to apply this method of revision to my entire QRG in order to make it effective.

What do you think about this local revision?

Peer Review 2

This week has been eerily relaxing because I am able to see the work of others and think about how to improve my own. Honestly, this peer editing stuff is fantastic.

Johnathon, James. "Raccoon is Excited...". 11/22/12 via inquisitr.

I edited Emily's Podcast and completed this rubric.

I edited Payton's QRG and completed this rubric.


What I Learned About my Project

• Editing another QRG gave me a better idea of how to organize my own in a more effective way. I was also able to see the effect of more personal pictures and quotes on the overall text.

• Editing a project done in a different genre gave me a better idea of what the purpose of the project is.

Top 3 Issues

• I need to add more pictures! I have decided to add the following pictures to my own draft:
• Of the residents working at UW
• Seattle City Council
• UW Administration

• I need to analyze more deeply how the different stakeholders make their claims and whether or not their claims are valid.

• I need to increase my credibility by adding more sources or organizing my QRG more effectively to better show the progression of the issue.

Top 3 Strengths

• Good array and organization of hyperlinks

• Address all sides of issue, which helps establish credibility

• Explain issue in simple terms and have engaging personal stories about individual residents (which I should continue to build upon)

Plan of Action to Improve

• I need to rethink the organizational structure of my QRG. I should play around with columns, headers, themes, fonts, sizes, picture locations. I need to make it more aesthetically pleasing. 

• I should reread a couple sources and add more information on how the stakeholders make their claims and if they are valid. I also need to research the more political side.

• I need to include a better, more detailed introduction that stimulates the five senses.

Even though my first draft is completed, there is still a lot to be done!

Do you have any tricks for formatting a QRG?

Peer Review 1

I reviewed Sarah's fabulous QRG, and completed a rubric with comments and feedback.

 

"Work in Progress". 9/15/13 via wikimedia. CCO Public Domain.

Reviewing her draft told me one important thing-- I need to better organize my own QRG! I really liked the way she organized the entire thing and how she was able to make her introduction both informative and interesting. In my draft, I still need to make my subheadings flow properly and expand on my introduction. After looking at Sarah;s draft, I realize my use of rhetorical questions and hyperlinks is also going well.

• Two mistakes I want to avoid

• Lack of creative title
• I liked her title "SB277: The New Vaccination Law in California", because it is straight forward and relatively short, so the reader knows exactly what to expect. However, after reading the rubric, I have realized a creative title is necessary. So I have to work on my own title

•  Unequally distributed hyperlinks
• Sarah did a great job at remaining objective, but there were some cases where I thought it seemed like she was leaning more to one side than the other. Two main stakeholders were those who opposed the bill and those who supported the bill. There were more hyperlinks used in sections about the bill supporters, so as an audience member, I had more information about this stakeholder, which could influence my thoughts on the issue. I see this issue in my QRG as well, so I will need to fix that this week.

• Two effective A+ choices

• Great use of pictures
• The QRG looks spaced out and has a good amount of pictures involved, which makes the whole thing easy on the eyes and interactive. I currently have one picture in  my QRG, so I will need to add more.

• Awesome introduction
• It informs and interests the reader. I like that it serves as a kind of background segment before the discussion. It is like a 30 second flashback monologue before a season finale of a TV show, in a way. By the end of the introduction, I thought I knew enough about the topic to be able to really think about the stakeholders and other components of the issue. 

Draft of Project 1

After of hours of planning, researching, organizing, questioning, thinking, anlayzing, and countless other adjectives, I have constructed my first draft! But really, the end of production week is really the beginning of post-production week. The finish line is really just the start line.

Hurley, Andrew. "Start and Finish line". 9/25/11 via Flickr. Attribution Share Alike 2.0 Generic

The link to my QRG is here!

I have to warn you, I focused on content for the draft instead of look, so some of the conventions of a typical QRG may be missing.

I think I have created a somewhat disorganized QRG. There is probably a better way to organize my topics and utilize the white space. My goal is to analyze the styles of the three main stakeholders and what techniques they utilize to form and communicate their arguments.

I am trying to figure out a way to make the QRG more aesthetically pleasing to look at. I do not want it to look just like a glorified blog post, so I was wondering if anyone knew any good sites to create images, charts, diagrams, etc, that will help me complete that section for the QRG conventions?

One concern I have had throughout the semester when I write blog posts is the length of the posts. I want to be as thorough as possible, which ends up with me writing a lot. I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to minimize word count while getting the entire, thorough message across?

I would appreciate any type of feedback, but if possible, I would like specific help on the following:

• Am I writing too much? How can I minimize word count?

• Am I repeating certain phrases too often? (Does the general piece sound boring?)

• Are there certain aspects of the rhetorical analysis I am not addressing enough or not addressing correctly?

• How can I best utilize pictures and diagrams to make the QRG more interactive or fun to read?

• What is the overall tone of the QRG, and should I change it?

Thanks everyone! Hope your projects are going well!

Stakeholder #3

You might be wondering "who makes the rules" in the UW hospitals system, and what their role is in the controversy. There are two organizations that contribute to the regulations.

"A view of campus". 4/12/08 via wikimedia. CC0 Public Domain.

The University of Washington Medical School Administration is in charge of facilitating the school and making sure everything functions smoothly. Whether the sun rises or sets over the space needle, it is their job to ensure the hospitals affiliated with the university are content, safe, and thriving. Although the people working for the administration touch paper, computers, and hear the sounds of staplers and printers, it is their duty to ensure the doctors in UW affiliated hospitals can confidently touch medical equipment and comfortably walk through the halls.

The University of Washington is nationally recognized for it's top-tier medical school, so the pressure to ensure everything runs according to plan is always in place. The administration therefore is seen as serious and punctual by students and staff. It is diligent and productive, while maintaining health interrelationships among staff and students.

The medical school administration also works alongside the Accredited Council got Graduate Medical Education (ACGME), which analyzes physician work environments and suggest ways to improve learning and patient care. These two groups generally work together to ensure the hospitals affiliated with UW are safe and physicians are being taught properly. To the public, ACGME is like a wise advisor who proposes new ways to improve work environments.

Specific Claims (All excepts from reply to petition)

• "Residents and fellows are not 'employees' for purposes of Washington labor law".

• Even if the residents and fellows can be deemed to be employees, Washington's statutory framework for collective bargaining rights has not been extended to cover them".

• "The University compensates residents and fellows by paying them an annual stipend, which is intended to defray the cost of living and other expenses during training...The stipends are tiered to the individual's training year, not to the hours worked, to participation in patient care, or to the specific residency program".

Validity of Claims

• The document cites state law on status of employees, seems credible.

• However, in the next section, it uses "even if", as in implying they are not entirely sure, but even if the residents are considered employees, they have a different reason for not meeting the requests, this lowers credibility

• This statement serves as logos, it logically explains the process of stipends and why residents are not paid specifically for the work they do, but rather as a whole for their training. This appeals to the audience because it is credible (since they know how their schools function) and logicial.

Similarities and Differences from other Stakeholders

• ACGME and the UWHA share the mission of making work environments safe for physicians as well as patients 
• ACGME put into place a regulation that physicians should not exceed 80 hour work weeks, which the UWHA does not have a problem with, but they do have a problem with pay rates and the fine lines of the regulation(on call hours are not included in the limit)

•  City Council and ACGME agree physicians do valuable work, but City Council wants to see pay raises and a change in regulations

Do you think it would be easier to focus on only one of these organizations, instead of both?