Local Revision: Variety

The final stages of local revision are approaching!

"Keyboard". 9/13/15 via pixabay. CC0 Public Domain.

In this post, I will examine variety in sentence structure and vocabulary.


How much variation in sentence structure? Are there any repetitive or redundant sentence patterns? 

• Most of my draft contains compound sentences. I have a tendency to include a lot of clauses and phrases. Whenever I do not continue a sentence for like 5 years, it is very direct, simple, and short.
• I begin many sentences with the subject, such as "Doctors..." or "Medical residents...". I think I do this because it helps me get to the point faster, but it is also unfortunately repetitive and boring.
• I have a few compound-complex sentences. I have a good balance of these so far. Due to the conventions of a QRG. I do not think it is a good idea to contain a lot of compound-complex sentences within the writing. 
• To improve sentence variety, I will switch the subject, verb, object order for some sentences to make the passages more active. I will also try to cut out the unnecessary clauses in compound sentences.

What have you learned about the way you transition between paragraphs?

• I tried to follow the QRG conventions too closely, so my draft does not have very effective transitions between paragraphs. There is a logical passage between ideas though. I stayed away from adding lead-in and conclusion sentences to my paragraphs because I thought this would add unneccessary fluff. But I think I should reconsider adding some lead-in sentences to help paragraphs flow better.
• I must be a huge fan of the word "the", because I use it as the first sentence for most of my new paragraphs. I need to switch the subject, verb, order sequence for all of the introductory sentences in paragraphs.

Is there variety in vocabulary? Strengths and weaknesses of vocabulary in draft? 

• I add some lively verbs and adjectives every now and then, but I do not use an "impressive" vocabulary word. My draft sounds a bit too technical, to be honest.
• Strengths
• I use correct terminology when talking about the medical residency system.
• I make the passages easy to read.
• Weaknesses
• I lack fancy vocabulary in my draft.
• The text is boring to read at parts because I am missing cool words.

How can I fix the lack of variety in my draft?