Editorial Report 12b

I edited another section of my rough material and tried to make it more interesting. I also have better control over my voice now so hopefully is sounds better!

"Filmstrip". 3/9/13 via pixabay. CC0 Public Domain.

I was unsure of how much detail to include about the trip I went on. I want to add this information so the audience knows why I care and to establish credibility because I will be talking about the experience I had along with the evidence.

I want to know if this section is effective at all? If not, how can I further edit it?


Selection from rough cut:

Re-edited selection:

How did the content change? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively?

• I shortened the part where I talk about my personal reason for going on the trip. Instead, I talk about who the group of volunteers are in general and why our career goals match the mission of these volunteer organizations.

• I feel like this is more effective, because it explains the reasons for going quickly.

• I also added a briefer summary of how clinic and project days were run. 

• This is more effective because it summarizes the hours we worked and what we did. 

• I might add a mini calendar thing to this to make it easier to visualize the week.

How did the form change? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively?

• I added text, which helps the audience follow along with what I am saying.

• I edited the picture order that I used so that the pictures displayed on the screen match the activity I am describing. This makes it way easier to follow along!

• I added some transition effects between pictures, which is more visually appealing and keeps the audience engaged.