Peer Review for Sienna Willis

One of the most effective tools in English is peer review, because this allows for interactive communication and is a learning process for everyone involved.

"Pencils". 4/9/15 via pixabay. CC0 Public Domain.

I chose to leave a content suggestion on Sienna's Rough Cut for her standard college essay.

Her post can be found here and her essay can be found here.

How my feedback helped the author:

• I left the following suggestions

• Sienna asked for title suggestions and I said she should consider "I am not a Barbie girl, but I do live in a Barbie world", as a play off the song. Idk why this was the first thing to come into my mind, but hopefully that inspires her in some way

• She should expand on the bridge between the last body paragraph and the conclusion because the ending is abrupt

• Change some sentence structure to more clearly deliver the "a good idea is great.." argument, it is kind of confusing what type of argument is being presented at first

I hope my title suggestion helps Sienna find a title she likes. And I hope my commentary on what sections were weaker than others helps her organize her time so she can create a stronger essay.

How I incorporated course materials:

I left suggestions based off the Project 3 Guide, because I wanted to ensure Sienna was following all the requirements. I know I struggled with staying on topic and meeting the requirements presented on this document, so I wanted to make sure she was too. I also went off what I learned in previous English classes concerning the "flow" of essays.

One thing I admired and can learn from:

Sienna started her essay strongly. The introduction clearly contains her voice as a writer. The imagery about her childhood days sets the stage for a strong argument and all the details she includes in the first body paragraphs establishes her credibility. I can definitely learn from this. For next week, I want to work on expanding my introduction and personalizing it so I can also convey my voice in the project.